Why did the King go to the dentist?
To get his teeth crowned
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?
It barked with delight
Why did the bird fly south for the winter?
It was too far to walk
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in schools.
What do dogs eat at the movie theatre?
Pup-corn
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide
What do monsters make with cars?
Traffic Jam
Why did the pony cough?
He was a little horse.
What do sheep do on sunny days?
Have a baa-baa-cue
What button won't you find in a tailor's shop?
A belly button
What stories do the ship captain's children like to hear?
Ferry tales
What kind of car does Mickey Mouse's wife drive?
A Minnie Van
Why did the child study in the airplane?
He wanted a higher education
What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?
Stinkerbell
What did the teddy bear say when he was offered dessert?
No thanks, I'm stuffed
Why is six scared of seven?
Because 7-8-9
What do you call a ship that lies on the bottom of the ocean and shakes?
A nervous wreck
Why did the golfer wear two sets of pants?
In case he got a whole in one.
What did the alien say to the garden?
Take me to your weeder
Where did the king keep his armies?
Up his sleevies
Q: What does snap crackle and squeek?
A: Mice-Crispy's
Q: Why did the boy blush when he opened the fridge?
A: He saw the salad dressing.
Q: Why do cowboy's ride horses?
A: Because they're to heavy to carry.
Q: Why did the atoms cross the road?
A: It was time to split.
Q: Whats the biggest pencil in the world?
A: Pennsylvania
Q: Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?
A: He wanted to win the no-bell prize.
Q: How do you fix a broken Jack-o-Lantern?
A: With a Pumpkin Patch
Q: A man says to a doctor, doctor doctor, I feel like a goat. The Doctor asks, how does that make you feel?
A: BAAAAAAD
Q: Which horrible mother superior went around Europe beating people up?
A: Attila the Nun
Q: What did the 0 say to the 8?
A: Nice Belt
Q: What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?
A: Wet Feet
Q: How much wood does it take to build a piano?
A: Several chords
Q: What did the man say when he lost the fencing match?
A: Foiled again.
Q: What did the cowboy say when the dog fell over the cliff?
A: Dog-on
Q: Did you hear about the cement truck that crashed into the prison bus?
A: They ended up with a bunch of hardened criminals.
Q: What did the parrot say when he finished shopping?
A: Put it on my bill.
Q: What did they call prehistoric sailing disasters?
A: Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
Q: How many ears does Spock have?
A: 3. A left, a right, and a final frontear!
Q: Hear about the robbers who fell in the sea?
A: The started a crime wave.
Q: Why didn't the boy believe the Tiger?
A: Because he thought he was lion.
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: To prove he wasn't chicken.
Q: What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
A: An Egg Roll
Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
A: He was dead.
Q: What has four legs and one arm?
A: A Rottweiler.
Q: Hear about the ship that ran aground carrying a cargo of red paint and black paint?
A: The whole crew was marooned.
Q: What do the letters DNA stand for?
A: National Dyslexics Association
Q: What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
A: Anyone can mash potatoes.
Q: How much do pirates pay for their earrings?
A: A buccaneer.
Q: What is bright orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot.
Q: What do you call a little person fortune-teller who escaped from prison?
A: A small medium at large.
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bull-dozer.
Q: What do you call a cow that won't give milk?
A: A milk dud.
